Vinh

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 03:54:32 GMT

I am a burden
I am an annoyance
I am a liability
I am a disappointment
I am useless
I am hopeless
I am a coward
I am embarrassing
I am infuriating
etc. etc.

These are the thoughts that have been running through my mind before I go to sleep and anytime that I have time to think. Like when I'm at work waiting for a woman to make up her mind on what kinda of hair she wants. My family will most likely be going through a serious financial crisis soon. I start to doubt my existence. Its like the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." I think to myself what if I didn't exist. The World would spin without me. Maybe a little faster and stress free. Lives of my friends and family would probably be happier and less stressed. I can't imagine any contribution that I've made other than a few laughs some at my own expense.

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:17:11 GMT

What a horrible day...

This morning I woke up at 9am so I can watch my grandmother so my mom and aunt could go run errands. So I was tired all day. Around noonish the tow truck driver came to my house to pick up my car. I was donating it purple heart. It was getting to costly to maintain. As the tow truck driver was pulling away, my heart sank. I was never going to see that car again. I have alot of memories with that car. It was my first taste of freedom and because of it I've meet so many people and been so many places. I stood there watching the integra being pulled away until I couldn't see it anymore. It was sad to see the car go.

I was on my way to school and I got pulled over by the police. They said I wasn't wearing my seatbelt even though I was. He said "well you're wearing it now." I would love to ruin him and his family. Now I have to pay 60 dollars for a lying cop. I wouldn't have this problem if I was driving my integra because it has automatic seatbelts.

I'm developing this irrational hate for the world.

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 01:36:43 GMT

I'm currently in my garage on my laptop trying to get away from everyone. I'm listening to music and trying to calm my ass down a little bit. It feels like my lungs and heart are aching and trying to leap out of my chest.

I never did learn how to play an instrument, or learn how to play a sport well when I was little. Now that I'm grown odds of me learning anything like that are pretty slim. If I had all the time in the world I would pick up countless of instrements. Such as the guitar, piano, violin ect. Or I would learn jeet kun do, karate, xing yi or wushu. But I don't have that time or money to dedicate myself to an instrument or discipline.

When I was young I begged my parents to let me learn a martial art or an instrument. They wouldn't let me. Thats what sucks about being a middle child. My youngest brother plays soccer and plays the trumbone and the guitar. My two oldest siblings got to learn tae kwon do when they were younger. And my sister knows how to play the piano. I really feel like they had no money left for my next older brother an me but when we grew up there was money and time to spend on my little brother.

Now that I'm grown and have a job, I can't ask for money from my parents to pursue a hobby. I'm so frustrated with my younger self for not pushing my parents hard enough or fighting harder for something. I wish I wouldn't dwell on my past but its difficult seeing my present situation.

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 06:31:57 GMT

On my drive home today I was on the phone with Rich and Kelly. I was just sitting there thinking about stuff they were saying. It just kinda got me down. Cold feet and shit like that.

I still don't know if I'm DJing at Youmacon yet.

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 05:32:44 GMT

I finished my demo set last night. I was up late trying to finish it because Will needed to present it to the staffers at Youmacon. I'm excited for whats going to happen next. I put it up on rapidshare. I need feedback from people. So friends, please download and comment on what you think of my demo. It's a preview of what I'll be spinning at Youmacon. I'm getting some good feedback from the few people that have heard it but I need more input. I'm trying to make a Japanese and Western fusion set. I'm trying to stay away from anime remixes and using real Japanese house music or remixed music of J-pop. Something these weaboos haven't heard. I want them to go "whats the name of this song!?"

Here's my set. PLEASE DOWNLOAD AND COMMENT!
http://rapidshare.com/files/62188476/Vinh_Demo_10-13-07.mp3.html

I still need a DJ name...

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 06:57:40 GMT

Youmacon is less than a month away and still no final word of when and if I'll be spinning at the dance. Will was pretty certain that I would be DJing. There was talk on the Youmacon forums that the DJ roster was full. I still don't have a DJ name and its proly better that I don't. It would proly be something goofy as hell and I wouldn't be able to get away from that name. I don't wanna hear that paratech shit at Youmacon or Rammstein. WTF is that shit? If they want the dance or the con to get any credibility they need to spin for real or go listen to that stupid ass shit at home. I know I don't have experience DJing yet but I know what kinda music will get people to dance. Just remember back to Will's Acen party. The playlist that I compiled with the help of friends made that party the shit.

I'm gonna ask Amanda if I can spin my set at her Halloween party. I to test my skills before the con and Amanda's party is the perfect place to do it. Some of her friends are DJ's also so they can tell me if I sucked and what I need to work on. If I do suck 200 otaku aren't going to be talking crap about my set. I'm pretty much set equipment wise for the set. I'll be borrowing headphones and a laptop from Rob. I just hope I can plug my shit into a mixer so I can control the sound. The next few weeks are going to be stressful trying to practice for Youmacon.

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 03:51:45 GMT

Last night was terrifying. I had several episodes of sleep paralysis. It when I'm awake but I can't move. It happens right after I fall asleep. I wake back up but I can't move or speak. All I can do is breath and even then it's very difficult to breath. This isn't the first time it's happened to me but is still extremely frightening. I've been having episodes since I was in middle school. I often see shadows or figures moving in the room. There is this noise that gets louder and louder until its excruciating. When it happens I know what to do. I try to tune everything out and I relax my body for a few seconds. Then I do something I learned from martial artists. I gather all my energy and strength and put it in one limb and then I release all that energy at once as a punch, kick or any kind of movement. One time when I did this I punched the wall next to my bed and left my knuckles sore.

I'm so tired becuase I couldn't sleep last night and I worked. Even though I'm so tired I'm afraid to go to sleep right now. It sometimes happens a couple nights in a row. Researchers say that sleep paralysis is linked to narcolepsy, panic attacks and sleep disorders. I gonna need to see a doctor about it soon. Last night was the worst it has ever happened. It didn't just happen once it happened several of times throughout the night. It was horrifying...

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 05:34:26 GMT

Went to Columbus for Labor Day weekend, It was great. I don't think it could have gone any better than it did. Arnell was an awesome host for letting everyone sleep at his place. I also have to thank Rich, Lee, Adam and John for the great time and listening to my cover of Brother Louie. The drive home was sobering though. I wish it was a week long vacation rather than just a weekend.

I've been practicing my DJ set for Youma-Con. John just gave me some good J-house stuff. That will spice up my set for sure. I'm just scared out of my mind that I'm going to train wreak on stage. Only a couple more months till then. I still haven't recorded a demo for Will yet. He wants to know what I'm spinning in place of his set. I let the Chicago people listen to a chunk of my set in Columbus. Maybe they can vouch for me.

I saw a cute Asian girl at Meijer today. Nothing happened, I just saw her. Just would like to make a note of it.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 04:34:01 GMT

Work owned me today. I was working with Mr. Cho and The new girl. Most of the day Mr. Cho was sitting in the back playing Go and me and Ja were working in the front. Ja is nice but she doesn't know alot of stuff yet. I was all over the place. It felt like I was the only one working. The A/C busted about an hour before closing. Thats when it got the most hectic. Everyone wanted weave right before we closed. I was dripping with sweat going back and forth between customers. While driving home I felt like throwing up. Wasn't a bad day, it was just a really busy day.

I wanted to release some stress after work but I didn't feel like driving anywhere. I have no one to hang out with in my area anymore after Angela left and I don't enjoy the company of the people around here anymore.

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 04:43:13 GMT

I bought a couple koi for the pond my dad put in. They died today and I went to get some replacements for them. I love koi.

Yesterday I had an anxiety attack for the later part of the day. I was breathing a little heavy for no apparent reason and this sinking/heavy feeling in my chest that I just wanted to go away. The fact that my boss was in the backroom yelling at someone across the phone didn't help. I put on my MP3 player and turned up the volume until I couldn't hear anything else. I put on some trance music and put up stock. This was the only time I've ever wanted to stock shit rather than do anything else in the shop. I was in my own little world. I calmed down and felt better. But as soon as I took off those ear buds to help a customer, that feeling came back. It was frustrating.

After work I went to pick up my little brother from a end of school year party. I told him not to speak because I didn't want to hear about it. He stayed silent for the car ride home. When I got home I sat and watched my koi for a half hour and I calmed down. I look at the statue of Mary and asked for her help. I ate a little and went on the computer for a while. I tried to go to sleep at 10p.m. but I got heartburn while lying in bed. While I lied there I started contemplating ways I could commit suicide like pills, hanging, crashing my car and the obligatory slitting of the wrists. I was tossing and turning. I was freaking out. I frantically searched for my rosary and I started to pray. Then I started crying. I calmed down. I got up went to the kitchen and made a sandwich. For some reason I wanted one. I sat my ass in front of the TV and watched family guy.

I have abandonment issues ever since I was a little kid. Getting lost at the store might have started it. There was this time where my big brother drove off without me as a joke at Kroger. My parents leaving me with my uncle and aunt in Michigan while they got ready to move here from Houston. Losing my friends at the mall. Finding myself all alone in a laser tag maze. Friends not visiting me when I moved to Brownstown. Even when my friends went to the bar to drink without me. It causes me great anxiety. This is why I freaked out at Acen when all my friends left me at a party all by myself with strangers. My way of responding to the anxiety is anger. Some people know what I mean. It still doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 05:57:35 GMT

I haven't written in this in a while. I had to write something in here right now. I donno if its lack of sleep or what. I feel so horribly depressed right now. It got worse throughout the day. I guess a part of it is the lack of communication between me and my friends. I'm not blaming my friends. It's all on me. I listen to almost everyone elses problems and I never really express any of mine. The last time I did was after ohayocon and I was a mess.

On April 14th I'm going to New Peking to eat Ja Jang Myun with single people to "celebrate" our singldom.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:13:15 GMT

I just read a grotesque spin of a story about soldiers in Iraq. It boggles my mind of how personal opinion or personal politics can warp a persons logic. I just have to say that no one has to right to take the life of an innocent person nor is it ever okay. That's why murderers go on trial. If justice prevails is another story. I can't belive I have to write this. It's four in the morning and I just had to get it out somehow. Theres no one to talk to at this hour so I had to write it or I wouldn't be able to sleep right.

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 07:29:10 GMT

I went to Youma-con last week. It was a lot more crowded than it was last year. I'm positive that there will be even more people than last year and that they will need to move to a bigger venue. People actually took my picture when I was in my white mage outfit. I never did get to flirt with the girls. One girl was talking to me while I was playing her at Tekken 5. She asked me how old I was and I said 20 and shes like "You're old." I asked her how old she was and she said 15. I said "Damn! you're a youngin." Yeah fuck that noise.

Next up is Ohayo-con. I can't wait till then. I really wanted my friend Alex to go but he says cons aren't his thing. Heh! His friends don't know how to party at a con. I'll keep nagging him up until the day I leave for Ohio.

I still haven't been scheduled for work yet at EB. My boss says that he'll get me in before Black Friday. I wanna get familiar with everything before all the holiday rush comes.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 08:30:45 GMT

I got a new job at EB Games. Was hired on the spot and the manager is already talking about wanting to keep me after the holidays. I get my schedule on Wednesday.

Amanda's Halloween party was pretty cool. It was nice seeing her again, especially in a skimpy maid outfit. Met some cool people. Now I can say I know people from Japan. Takuji was very talkative but his friend Ito was very quiet. Everyone was trying very hard to get him drunk. But a fart bomb almost killed the party. There was a revival when Amanda busted out twister. Funstuff! I spilled stuff on my white mage cloak and it wreaks of cigarettes. It needs to be washed before Youmacon. Can't wait till then.

I can't wait till Youmacon this weekend. I want to do some cool shit this year rather than just watching lame people dance at the rather sucky dance and listen to sob stories. Hopefully I can flirt with women that I have no chance with and have some fun this time.

Another chunk of my exhaust system fell off a couple days ago. The noise now is unbearable. Everything from the catalytic converter back is gone. Whoever did the welds on my exhaust system sucked. I'm getting it fixed tomorrow. Almost 200 bucks to get it fixed. Performance exhaust for my car are expensive and hard to find. I have to settle for a OEM replacement.

So a PS3 might be out of the question now.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 06:31:17 GMT

I downloaded the soundtrack for the game Okami. The music is beautiful. I wish I could find the words to describe it. If the game is as good as the musical scores, this game will be phenomenal. I can't wait to play it.

The Japanese have some awesome symphonic composers once you get past Nobuo Uematsu. He has a few gems but there is so much more out there. Japanese and Korean classical music has a much different sound than from Western classical. I'm talking about the more contemporary stuff.

Henry Ford annulled this semesters classes for me because I couldn't pay my tuition quick enough. I guess its for the best any ways because half my classes I didn't need any ways because I just had to find classes to fill up my 12 credit hours. All the classes I wanted were filled up because of a error on the cashiers dept. made. I couldn't register until the day before classes started. It was really unprofessional on their part. They forgot to clear my financial status from last year.

In the process of finding a 2nd job to pay for tuition for next semester. Plus I have to get out of the beauty supply business. My parents were talking about my sister's recent promotion to assistant manager at Verizon. Knowing my sister she has promotion written all over her so she'll be in upper management in no time. She has been working there less than 2 years and she is at a position with people that have more than 10-15 years experience under their belts. I get the lecture from my parents of how come I can't do that?

I'm pretty much manager at the beauty supply but that pretty much means I'm the one who gets called on to get grunt of an angry black woman's fury. So that means saying "Sorry, that's policy" over and over until she demands to see the owner. Then I get ripped a new one for not handling the situation myself. WOOOO! Fun shit! Oh and I call the cops if shit gets physical.

Thinking about moving out with Sabiha and Kelly for a very cheap price. Seriously thinking about it.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 06:35:14 GMT

GOD OF POWER AND MERCY . . . you hold us up when we are weak and give us courage to overcome our fears. Banish violence and cruelty from our midst. Rescue the souls of those who have died. Wipe away our tears and comfort those who grieve the death of loved ones. Guide our President and the leaders of our nation who seek a just response to acts of terrorism. Protect our citizens through the intercession of our Blessed Mother Mary. Help us work together for justice and lasting peace so we might eliminate the causes of violence in our country and our world. Let all people live together in peace and mutual respect. We ask this through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

I say this prayer every Sunday at mass. I've recited it so much that I've pretty much memorized it. I don't have to read it from the insert in the back inside cover of the book anymore. It's almost become protocol. Today though I started crying when I recited it in church today. It's really been five years...

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 04:26:28 GMT

New Layout! Mikos are teh hawt!

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 03:37:11 GMT

Wow its been a long ass time since I've written in this. A lot of shit has happened.

All I can think of is Tennessee. It was a fun trip seeing the sites and regretting not getting airsoft guns at dirt cheap prices. Oh and kid on a leash.

I've been really bummed about not finding music I want. The most disappointing thing is I can't find Japanese trance or house on vinyl. What the fuck are these Japanese DJs' spinning?! Makes me think that the Japanese club scene is really lame. T

Though I did have 2 great music finds recently. Yui is one of them. I think she won a record contract American Idol style or something. Downloaded her album and its really awesome. Kinda like Michelle Branch style. For the lame ass people out there that have to associate Japanese music with anime, she sung the theme for Bleach. I didn't find this out until I downloaded the CD.

The other one is Spitz. I think I have all their cds. Their music is amazing. They sound like the pillows but they do a lot more shit. You can tell they were influenced by The Beatles. Rock, punk, ska, and some bossa stuff too. I love their music. Best find since Asian Kung Fu Generation.

Last night I had a very odd dream. For a chunk of the dream I was a secret agent going around Amsterdam trying to find something, I run into Method Man and Red Man, and party with them. Then I'm following Method and Red inside a dormitory when I girl opens the door and screams with excitement! I though it was because of Method Man and Red Man but she pulls me into her room saying shes been waiting for me. For some reason it felt like I knew the girl. She pulls me into her friends room and she starts to hug and kiss me. I go along with it and we start to cuddle. It felt really awesome but she takes off her shirt and wants to fuck. I'm like what the hell!? I go along with it and we start making out. Then I look around the room and notice her friend was polishing a hand gun. On her dresser was a m16 assault rifle and on the wall was a heavily modified mac10 sub-machine gun. I stop making out with the girl on my lap and yell "Wait! What exactly is going on here." Then I hear a radio and I wake up. It was my alarm clock. FUCK! I thought to myself. Just when it was getting interesting I wake up.

I'm sick too.., BLAH!@

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 05:54:09 GMT

http://www.acabins.com/pigeonforge/cabins/SoaringEagle/soaringeagle.html

This place is avalible and is BADASS! If we find 2 more people we are set!

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 16:27:50 GMT

I've had this song play through all my dreams all last night. When I first heard it for the first time yesterday, I didn't think it was that good of a mix. It's pretty much System F's song Airwave with Japanese vocals mixed in. I can't find out who Aono Kanata is. I found it here.

http://www.shinydevil.com/download_Folder/Faraway.zip

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 01:35:57 GMT

I'm really tired right now. I think its because of the energy drink I had earlier. I tried N.O.S. when I saw it at the gas stations. ITS ENN OHH ESS PEOPLE! People that say NOS annoy me. It's not that good. I still think Rip It is still the best, the orange flavored one.

I just want to engage in some meaningful dialog with someone right now. But there is no one around here that will exchange anything more than insults, I think. I just wanna sit down in front of someone with the TV off have something to drink maybe and talk about random shit. I think TV is the biggest enemy of conversation. Pretty much sitting with friends talking and someone says "Hey lets see whats on TV." We turn it on to something stupid like Girls Next Door, Simple Life or something like that. After that pretty much anything that comes out of anyones mouth is how dumb this is or laughter. If it were Good Eats or Modern Marvels: Coffee or something like that it's cool because then you exchange knowledge. Like "Yeah, Kona is one of the most expensive coffees on the market" or "The FDA recognizes 5 different verities of tomato; globe, cherry, ect. ect." Blah I'm bored...

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 05:48:46 GMT

I finally found the songs from Love Hina I've been looking for. I just realized how incomplete these soundtracks are. There are several songs I want that are missing.

I have an urge to write in my journal but I can't find much to write about other than stuff I've written in this journal already which is a bunch of emo shit.

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 07:23:26 GMT

I haven't paid attention to my LJ lately. I know I had an event to write about, but I can't think of what it was...

Cedar Point! That's right, that felt like a long time ago. Had a great time hanging out with Arnell and meeting Lisa. I hope we hang out again real soon. So it was me, Rich, Kelly, Nick, Dan, Arnell, Lisa and Krystal. Rode all the cool shit, got wet, lost my glasses, and Top Thrill. That shit looked scary as hell. Sounded scary too. It was really cool.

So Kelly is gone to her internship down south. Knowing that, there will proly be a social void with our group for weeks to come. I took the initiative to make people hang out and planned a BBQ at my brother's new place. It was all cool until day of when people couldn't come or didn't feel like coming. So it went from like 15 people to like 7. Most disappointing was Rich and Alex not coming. I was really bummed out when they called me. But people did show up and it was fun. Felt kinda proud of myself prepping the food. Either that of people lied about the burgers. My brother did most of the grilling. He is very good with the grill. The night ended with a game of Apples to Apples. Fun night, mostly telling awkward/stupid stories about people that weren't there. Except the ones about me.

I finally got my new glasses. I feel like a name brand whore for getting Gucci glasses. But nothing could match the look of my black framed glasses by Nautica other than the Gucci ones. I actually tried to get away from the Gucci. The only other thing that looked good were these titanium Tag Heuers but I wasn't about to pay half a grand for them. Being from the same parent company as Louis Vuitton, and Henessy I can wonder why.

Wed, 24 May 2006 17:28:16 GMT

I still have to finish my Acen post

Sunday
We chilled in our room till we headed to Mitsuwa. We ate bought shit and went to Gameworks. Played the Initial D simulator quite a few times. I set a few course records on the machine. Fun shit! Went back to the hotel and watched GROOVE. Then went to sleep.

Monday
Checked out and went home.

Yeah I'm too lazy to go into detail. This year wasn't as much fun as last year but it was still fun. I barely hung out with the people I wanted to. I had no ones number and I couldn't just abandon the newbie.

My b-day was on may 11th. Not much happened other than going out to eat. I even forgot it was my b-day until halfway through the day. My car's transmission linkage went out. my car was permanently stuck in drive and there were only 3 gears. I went to my brothers work to get it fixed. went there at 4500-5000rpm the whole way. I kept a close eye on my engine temp gauge. But it is fixed and is as smooth as molasses.

Last night me Dan and Kelly had a convo about stupid family members, cool family members, church, the pope, and Vatican. It was very interesting exchange of ideas. I always say that dialog has to be made concerning religion. With dialog change can happen I think. Stagnation is bad because I know my faith isn't perfect with any other religion. Over time things have changed. The catholic church thought earth was there center of the universe. They also oppress women. They also blamed Jews for the death of Christ. These things changed and for the better

It's soo much easier to hate someone than to be in that grey area that's between hate and mutualism. I realized this while driving home last night. I was fighting a battle within myself last night.

Thu, 11 May 2006 04:23:38 GMT

Friday
I left for A-cen on Friday afternoon. I had to take an exam so I couldn't leave Thursday like everyone else. I took the train from Ann Arbor to Chicago. I rode with Laura, one of Jen's roommates. She got off at the K-zoo stop so I didn't have anyone to talk to for a few hours. I pretty much listened to music and prayed.

I got to Union Station at round 10:20pm. A half hour late. I called a couple people up to see what to do from Union Station. I got really frustrated that I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone on how to get to the Hyatt. After a half hour of asking the locals on how to get to Rosemont and being told that the buses and metroline were no longer running to Rosemont, I got onto Blue Line. After about 15-20 minutes I got to my stop and started walking towards the Hyatt.

When I got to the entrance I expected someone to meet me there. I looked around and no one was around I went up to the 2nd lobby and looked some more and no one was there and I went down and found Dan and Co. waiting. We took the stairs to the 6th floor and finally was able to put all my shit down. I was angry, tired, hot and sweaty. I took two shots of tequila and had a smeirnoff to loosen up. It was not until I got to Henry's hotel than I felt better.

I had more shit to drink and had a smoke. I felt better finally but soon after we got kicked out and we went to another hotel to Will's party. On the way there I found out that I was drinking way too quickly. I drank some more there and got kicked out soon after by Eli. After that, it was kinda blurry and I can't really remember much. All I can remember was hugging one of the staff for letting me into the game room without a badge.

Saturday
Next morning I felt like shit. It wasn't my head that hurt, my stomach felt bad. I went to get my badge and looked around the artist ally and dealers room. Didn't find anything that caught my eye. I went back to my room and I really needed something to eat to settle my stomach. No one felt like going out to eat and I wasn't going to pay 2.50 for a half pint of milk. Rich gave me a sandwich from his room and I felt better but still not 100 percent.

I went back to my room and put on my cosplay. I was cosplaying as FF1-3 white mage. Dan already wore the cosplay before me so it was nothing new to the people there. Dan had 6 pictures taken with the white mage outfit on. When I went around with it I only had 2 taken. I only had more taken when I joined Kelly and Lauren with their well made cosplay. Funny moments while I was in my white mage outfit was sporting Squall's gunblade for a bit while as white mage. Playing around with airsoft guns while in white mage cosplay. I guess it is pretty funny seeing a white mage playing with assault rifles and sub-machine guns.

That night I went to the soap bubble but I was forcing myself to drink before I went to the dance. I really tried to get buzzed for the dance. I really couldn't get drunk. The dance was fun. They played house instead of the trance they played last year. It was much easier to dance to. My glasses were broken in the break circle and I had a very VERY awkward moment dancing with a horny girl.

Sunday
I bought everything I bought on Sunday. I got a Rukia phone charm, Selphie figure, A-cen t-shirts, tsushimamire tour shirt, a bokken and 3 pieces of art. Oh and I got a sailor bubba for buying 2 shirts.

eh... I'm bored. I'll type the rest later.